You know the story. Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl for her phone number (or vice versa). Boy & girl start “talking.” Boy and girl hit it off instantly, so much so that they stay on the phone late into the night getting to know one another. So late that they struggle to wake up for work or school the next morning. Days pass and they continue to talk, maybe FaceTime (and text, they text A LOT). They may even go on a few unofficial dates or social gatherings. Then weeks go by, maybe even months or God forbid years and all of a sudden there is a shift- something changes. The texts aren’t as frequent. Girl finds herself initiating the conversations more and more. Phone calls are almost non-existent and those unofficial dates? Forget about it.
What happened? Did you do something wrong? Was it something you said? Actually, more than likely the change has nothing to do with your actions but more to do with the guy's intentions towards you. I have found that many times, the reason falls into one of these 3 categories:
- He’s not ready- This is the guy who likes the idea of being in a relationship, but he is not yet mature enough to take on the responsibility of a relationship. He likes the perks and benefits such as companionship, someone to talk to, someone to go out and have fun with and having the security of knowing someone is in his corner. However, this person has not yet decided to settle down. He is still more interested in being with his friends than being with a woman, and he basically wants to have his cake and eat it too. Stay far away from this type. Why? Because it’s easy to fall for his charm and his expressed desire to be in a relationship but his mixed signals will leave you frustrated and confused.
- There's someone else- In this case, they have either started talking to someone else but is afraid to tell you (or they just want to talk to both of you) or they were already talking to someone else and they’re trying to “get to know” the both of you at the same time. Run far away! The man God has for you will pursue you with purpose and passion, and you will not have to compete for his time or attention.
You’re not the one- More than likely this guy is just wasting your time until the right one comes along because although he may really desire to be in a relationship, he can’t actually see himself with YOU. Although this may seem harsh, there’s nothing wrong with this because to the right guy, you will be EVERYTHING and more than what they ever wanted or knew they needed. And don’t buy the right girl, wrong timing line because again (say it with me this time) THE MAN GOD HAS FOR YOU WILL PURSUE YOU WITH PURPOSE AND PASSION. Nothing can get in his way if he really wants you.
I’ve watched these scenes play out a few times in my single life, and I have watched it play out in the lives of friends. Every time someone vents to me I want to shout from the mountaintops the same words Jesus was probably yelling at me when I was entertaining men who were not right for me: THAT’S NOT YOUR HUSBAND. There was a point in time where I wanted to put all of the blame and responsibility on the men who I felt did me wrong and led me on. Why would they ask for my number if they had no real interest in getting to know me? Why would they ask me out on a date if they weren’t feeling me? Why would they go out of their way to call and text me everyday if they really didn’t like me? These very well may have been valid questions but the truth is this: I had to learn how to take responsibility for my own happiness and thus my heartbreaks. No one is responsible for protecting my heart except me. Sure, you would hope that a person has your best interest in mind but ultimately it is our responsibility to be keepers of our own heart and to guard it with vigilance until we find someone who is worth opening it up for. Now, this does not mean being afraid to get hurt or putting a padlock on our hearts, because if we are truly free from past disappointments, emotional heartbreaks and failed relationships, then we would freely and openly give a fair and honest opportunity to love when it does present itself. What it does mean however, is that we are good stewards over our hearts by being led by the Holy Spirit in our (potential) relationships, properly vetting potential mates before getting our feelings involved, not ignoring red flags and checks in our spirit, and not settling just because we want to be in a relationship. I can honestly say that EVERY SINGLE person that I involved myself with while I was single, I was warned about by the Holy Spirit- every one. Sometimes the warnings and checks came multiple times, sometimes I was even warned in dreams, but I can also say that I either didn’t listen immediately or I didn't listen at all and ended up hurt in the situation. Let me give you just one example of several. Recently I ran across a journal from 2014 where I was talking to God about a guy I was “talking to”. Dude texted me every single morning without fail and the conversation would last all day and all night long. Sometimes we would talk on the phone and even Skype *he lived in a different city” and in my mind we were moving towards a relationship. Mind you in this journal I’m rattling off all of the hesitations I have about this guy including the fact that he seemed less mature in his faith than me and I noticed some “questionable” social media posts. Even without the obvious hesitations though, when I would pray about him I just would not feel that peace I was looking for. But of course I ended up overriding it and guess what? I found out that he was still involved with an ex. Sure, he eventually told me but only after I saw them together at a Christian concert while I was visiting his city. As big as that parking lot was in this huge arena and even after ignoring all of the other signs, God in His beautiful mercy and divine providence had me spot them getting in the car together just as my friend and I were pulling off. He had no choice but to tell me the truth after that. Out of my desperation and impatience I almost missed out on my REAL husband who found me just months later. Sure this guy had SOME appeal, but I knew all along that I was just settling for less than what I knew was God’s best for me. I am sure that guy is someone’s husband, he’s just not mine and that’s ok because my husband is the best ;) Don’t debate me! LOL.
Ladies! the Bible calls the Holy Spirit Helper among other things (John 14:26) which means that one of His ministries is to HELP you. God sent Him here for YOU, so use Him. Do not let His ministry be in vain. We can avoid so much hurt and pain from people if we choose to not rush and jump into relationships just because someone shows an interest in us or because we are tired of being alone. God makes everything perfect in His own timing and we must learn to trust the plan that He has already put in place for our lives. If we are always trying to override Him or do things our way or figure everything out then we are actually delaying the process because He is constantly having to fix what we have messed up. Don’t let that be your story. Stop going around the same mountain and rest in knowing that no matter what has happened in the past, God’s plans for your life (even your love life) are good.
Some of you can trust God with every other area of your life, your finances, your health, your purpose, you dreams, your aspirations and you’ve seen Him do great and mighty things in those areas, but for some reason you will just not give Him THIS area of your life. I hear the Lord saying “My hand is not too short, my ears are not too heavy” (Isaiah 59: 1). Give this area over to me, let go of it, and surely you will say “The Lord has done great things for us and we are glad” (Psalm 126:3)
Still Hidden in Him,