It’s the million dollar question. It’s the one question that women all over the world are asking themselves. And they’re also asking God, and relationship gurus, and self help books. And if they’re not asking the question then people are asking them, “Why are you STILL single?” And maybe the most annoying of all is when someone tries to come and diagnose your singleness after looking at bits and pieces of the puzzle that is your entire life. They come and offer up unsolicited advice as to why you may still be unmarried. The truth is, no one can tell you specifically why you’re still single, so I’m not going to try to do that. Instead, I am going to offer up some some suggestions as to why you may be unmarried at this time. If any of them confirms something in your spirit then I would encourage you to pray about that area, and let God speak to your heart with more clarity and specificity.
It's not yet time
One of the most straightforward reasons why you may not be married just yet is because it is simply not time. There is a phrase in the Bible that I love; it is the phrase “fullness of time.” Here it is in Galatians 4:4: “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of woman, born under the law to redeem those who were under the law so that we might receive adoption as sons” (Galatians 4:4-5). I love it because it implies that God already had that moment in time planned out before the foundation of the world. In other words, there was a specific, inevitable point when He knew He would send His son, and until it was that time, He was not going to send Him and when it was that time, nothing could stop it because the fullness of time had come. I
I believe that every one of us has a “fullness of time” when it comes to certain things in our lives. I believe that there are designated moments in time when specific milestones and events will be realized, and only God knows when that is. God see the end of a thing from its beginning.
The hard part is waiting patiently for that time to come. That is where contentment comes into play. If you are anything like I used to be then you probably loathe the word contentment. Whenever I heard the word what automatically came to my mind was “settling for what you have right now until life got better.” The truth is that is just not so. Contentment is actually a state of happiness and satisfaction. Think about that. When you are content you are actually satisfied with the way your life is right now just as it is. I know what you’re thinking. “But I’m not REALLY satisfied with my life just the way it is.” I know because I was there. I thought I needed a relationship status, a certain amount of money in the bank, little to no conflict in my life, a certain amount of friends and all types of other things to make me feel happy, satisfied and you guessed it, content. I found out fairly quickly though that none of those things have any bearing on my contentment. Before I was in a relationship I used to be like, “Everybody is talking about marriage. God I would be happy if you just brought me a mate, someone to have fun with, someone to go out with, someone to love, etc.” Then John and I began courting and after a while I began to think “Gosh when am I going to get a ring?” Then we got engaged and I couldn’t stop looking at my little app counting down the days til we got married. When I was jobless and stayed home all day, I used to be so bored. Then I got a job, and it kept me super busy so I found myself constantly complaining. I used to ask God for the ability to travel for work, and He graciously granted me that desire. Eventually I found myself rolling my eyes every time I was scheduled to be away. Do you see the trend? We get all happy and excited when God blesses us and something good happens in our lives, until after a while our hearts become discontent again looking for the next “thing”. The next big event, the next level, the next milestone, the next promotion. It’s all about the new, now, and next. We must learn to be content with our portion, in our season, at all times. I like to put this in perspective by thinking about where God has brought me from. It makes it easier to appreciate all that I have now, and fills me with a sense of gratitude. The truth is, only an authentic relationship can bring you the feeling of satisfaction and contentment your entire being is thirsting for. Everything else will become extra from there. So, rely on God and His perfect timing for everything to come to pass in your life.
You’re being hidden
I know all about being hidden. I used to think that I was unattractive or just plain invisible to the opposite sex during a certain season of my life. Nobody was checking for me, my phone was dry, no one asked me out, I couldn’t even get a look from a stranger. These things ate away at my confidence to a certain extent because even though I didn’t necessarily want to date anyone at the time, it still would have felt good to feel wanted. But then I realized that God was hiding me.
Have you ever been to a jewelry store and noticed the set up? The cheap stuff that's of little to no value made with fake stones and metals are usually outside of the glass case. You can get a close look at it without having to ask anyone, and you can even touch it if you'd like. Then there's the jewelry under the glass case. This is where all the jewelry made of precious metals and stones are kept. You can't touch it or take a good look at it unless an attendant opens the case, usually with a key. But did you know there's a 3rd option? There's a place in the back that not many people are aware of. You have to KNOW that it's there to even ask about it and there's different protocol that happens before you can even see it. What's the difference between all these pieces of jewelry? The level of ACCESS was different depending on the VALUE of the item. Not everyone should have access to your time, your space, and everything that is YOU. The more VALUE you place on yourself the more you will realize that the man who wants your heart should have to go through different protocols to even get to you, and He only knows you're there because He has sought the heart of the Father to find you. When I began understand that I was that jewelry locked in the volt in the back of the store out of plain view, I began to have a different perspective of being hidden. I felt precious to God. I felt honored, cherished and valuable. I also realized though that it’s not everyday that you get people walking in to see the stuff that’s locked in the volt. So I understood that my love story might take a little more time to unfold than everyone else around me, but that it was going to be well worth the wait. And it was. I’m living in the fruit of my patience and trust in God every single day.
When I began to understand that being hidden was actually an honor and that it was actually for my protection, I stopped fighting the process. I gladly wore God’s divine veil with a godly pride knowing that one day the right man would tear right through it. He would be able to see me for who I was- his rib. My wedding day was the perfect picture of that. It might be a little old school, but I wore a long veil with the front part covering my entire face. I wore it for the entire ceremony up until we were pronounced husband and wife. It was at that time that my husband removed the veil and kissed me as we became one. It was a beautiful sight to see in the natural. But when I think about the removing of the veil that he did in the spirit my heart leaps with even more excitement. I promise you your being hidden is not in vain. You’re not wasting time, and you’re not missing out on anything. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.
He’s Not Ready
Would you ever go to a Lexus dealership to shop for a new car knowing your lifestyle could only afford a Honda? (Nothing wrong with Honda BTW. Very good cars)The point is though, you would not even tease yourself like that because you know that eventually that decision will come back to haunt you when you can't afford the payments. Likewise, some men will not marry you or even attempt to get to know you because they know that they're not in a position to afford you right now. Meaning they have some things that they may want to get together spiritually, financially, emotionally or otherwise. I had guys tell me after the fact that they knew they couldn't approach me because they knew they had to come correct or risk messing up their chances. See, not everyone is rejecting you. SOME people just have sense enough and care enough to approach you in the right way, in the right mindset and under the right circumstances. That is the type of man you want to get yourself involved with. That is the type of man you want to wait for.
The reality is that sometimes our man of God needs a little more time to marinate in God’s presence than we do. Just like God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, sometimes our Adam isn’t quite woke just yet. And that’s ok because what you don’t want is to prematurely jump into a relationship with someone who is not completely done. God knows the things He wants to work out in a person and all the things He wants to do in their hearts, so we should not want to intervene with what He is doing. Doing so could possibly distract the person and cause it to take more time, or getting into a relationship with them too soon could cause the relationship to end in disappointment. God’s rejection is sometimes our protection so we must learn to embrace the no’s and the not yet’s with just as much enthuse as we do the yes’s.
You’re Not Ready
It takes a mature person to realize, understand and admit when they are not ready get married or that they have some things that they know they need to work on first. And if you’re not ready to be married then why dive into a relationship? After all, the point of getting into a relationship is to eventually lead to marriage. You will never be completely ready. However, God knows exactly what you need and where he needs you to be in order to present you to the person that He has for you. If we receive things too soon, we could ruin it. You would never let your 5 year old drive a car would you? Even if you had a car prepared for their 16th birthday and you were oh so excited to give it to them, you would still never give it to them until they were ready to drive it because you know it’s for their protection. Well, it’s the same way with God. He will never give us anything until He knows that we are ready for it. If you want to discover ways in which you can develop and prepare while waiting,here's some past blogs that may help you in that process.
Still Hidden in Him,