Now that you have had a few days to digest the questions from Pt. 1, I pray that you have gained some sort of clarity, revelation, and peace and that you embrace the other questions with an open heart and open mind so here goes:
3. Do you have a servant’s heart? One of the biggest things you are going to have to let go of in order to have a successful marriage is selfishness. A selfish or self absorbed person is constantly concerned about me, me, me or self, self, self while the selfless is more concerned about how they can serve the other person. Most of the time we’re concerned about what the other person can do for us instead of what we can do for them. Many times our own selfishness is not even apparent, and it can be hard for us to actually see it. I bet you’re already thinking to yourself how there’s no way being selfish even applies to you. Well, when you get into a marriage and you begin to share your life, your space and your entire world with someone else, all of your selfish tendencies are exposed and become evident. This is especially true if you have been single for a long time because you are so used to doing everything your way, living a certain way, and being concerned about yourself only because it has been that way for so long. Now is the time to start taking inventory of these things and making adjustments in your mindset and your actions so that you are not blind-sided once the honeymoon is over. Being a spouse is all about how you can meet the other person’s needs, and it is no longer all about you. Now, IT IS your spouse’s job to be concerned with meeting your needs but let’s be honest, sometimes it will seem as if things are a little one sided because the other person is not going to keep up their end of the bargain 100 percent of the time; we all miss the mark. That does not give you a free pass to let up on your serving the other person. It is certainly easier said than done but you must learn to depend on God to meet your every need because humans will always fall short. A good way to get some practice in is by serving in church. I blogged about that here. When you serve, you begin to focus on the needs of others without even considering yourself or expecting anything in return. You can also start in your current familial relationships and friendships. Try to be more mindful of opportunities to serve the other person and make it about them rather than yourself. Some of ya’ll don’t even like sharing your food. Come on now. Be free from the it’s all about me attitude because that is one of the quickest ways to bring down any relationship.
4. Do you have a prayer life? I will probably mention prayer in every single blog that I post. Why? Because my public life is a living, breathing manifestation of private time in prayer (among other things) but mainly prayer. I think that prayer is one of those things that we take for granted or unconsciously belittle. We tend to use it as a last resort instead of going to it first. And even if we do pray we still try to do things in our own power, overriding what we prayed. Ok I’m off my soap box but my point is you will most definitely need a prayer life in marriage more than ever because most of your battles will be won on your knees. So many women try to change their spouse or try to get him to see things their way not realizing that we cannot change a man. Only God can work on a person’s heart causing them to change. We can talk to our man until we are blue in the face, give examples, pie charts, statistics, graphs and the whole nine and he still will not understand. Prayer is your weapon in every situation, but especially in marriage. You will have to know how to pray for your husband and your marriage in general because satan comes to attack unions, especially godly ones. If you have not developed a prayer life in your single life, it is only going to be harder to develop and maintain one once you are married so start NOW! You should also begin praying for your husband now even though you probably do not know who he is. I was as single as can be with no prospect in sight, but I knew that I was called to be a wife. So I would periodically pray for the man who I was called to. I would pray that God would give him a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him (Ephesians 1), that he was growing in the Word and in his relationship with God, and that everything he puts his hands to would prosper (among other things depending on how I was led). Do you know that when I finally got together with my now husband he would tell me about everything that was going on in his life at the time and he would mention how that past year he had grown in his relationship with God more than ever in his life, he was prospering at work more than ever and so on and so on. God was literally answering my prayers before I even knew the WHO. So I would suggest praying how you are led for your future mate. God may have a work to do in your husband before he finds you just like He is doing a work in you. And for my married sisters, cover your man! Our men NEED our prayers. There is so many things coming against them every day because the enemy knows that if he can bind the strong man then he can get everything and everyone else in the house (Matthew 12:29) so fortify your husband, your home, your children and your marriage with prayer.
5. Are you modest in behavior and appearance? Ok so I’m going to tell on myself for a second here. Years ago (B.C.) when I was feeling a little lonely or like no one was really checking for me I would snap a picture of myself in the mirror (this was before front facing cameras was a thing ya’ll) with a tight or short outfit on with the sexy face and post it to social media (don’t try to go back looking to through my posts I’ve deleted most of them LOL). Now mind you I wanted to be a wife or at the very least in a decent relationship with a man of substance, but yet I was trying to attract a guy by exposing my body. Hmmm. What’s wrong with that picture? So, I wanted a man of a certain caliber and eventually to be someone’s wife yet what I was doing was only going to attract a certain type of man, and it was not the type of man I said I wanted. All that type of behavior is going to get you is a whole bunch of likes from the wrong type of people and annoying D.M’s to your inbox from men who don’t have a faithful, committed bone in their body. But Rita men are visual and how else would he know what I’m working with if I don’t show him? Yes, men are visual but do you honestly think that the type of man that you say you want would want his lady flaunting their goods on the internet? No ma’am. Usually, as women if we feel the need to behave that way there is an underlying issue we need to deal with. Get to the root of it and find out what’s going on in your heart. Is it insecurity, loneliness, low self-esteem? The man God has for you will SEE you for who you are. He will see you whether you’re wearing a garbage bag or a skimpy outfit. You don’t need to try to capture his attention and you certainly won’t need to try to convince him of your worth. The right man will see you and recognize his rib.
Proverbs 12:4 states A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. So I want you to shift your mentality. I want you to go around thinking, talking, walking and acting like you are already someone’s wife even if you have no clue who your husband is yet. You are his crown. You represent him, and I’m sure the right man wouldn’t want his woman speaking a certain way, dressing a certain way, frequenting certain places and acting a certain way. Perhaps you keep attracting the wrong type of man because of what you are putting out there, I was there before. Praise God it is not too late to make adjustments.
So what am I saying here? Am I saying that you have to go into marriage this perfect person? Absolutely not. I am not saying that you have to have it all together because there is another level of growth and maturity that takes place after the vows; we never stop growing, and there is no way to fully prepare for marriage. However, it would behoove you to equip yourself through study of the Word regarding what it means to be a wife, groom yourself with the help of the Holy Spirit and put yourself in the best position possible so that you can have the best marriage possible. Remember the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man? Well, Steve Harvey may have been onto something. I’ve actually never read the book and probably wouldn’t agree with all of his philosophy but THINKING a certain way certainly does affect your life. Proverbs 23:7 says “As a [wo]man thinks in his heart so is [s]he”. In other words, what you begin to think about yourself in those deep places of your heart, that’s what behavior you will begin to exhibit. I challenge you to begin thinking like a wife and preparing to be one and watch what will begin to manifest in your life.