Last week I talked about what NOT to do during your single season, but today I am excited to share some of the things that you should be doing in order to live a successful, fulfilling single life that will put you in the best position to be found by the one God has for you.
1. Run after God like your life depends on it - because it actually does. When I decided that I was really going to give God a try and get my life together for real for real, I also decided that I was going to forget everything I knew or thought I knew about Him and just start over from scratch in an effort to truly get to know Him for myself. What came after that was a hunger and thirst for God like never before. There was a burning desire in me to just run full force after the things of God. I wanted to go to every service, every conference, and every worship concert. I wanted to read the Bible all the time or just sit and soak up God’s presence. I was just straight up sprung in love with Jesus. This resulted in a pure relationship with Him and as a result, all I wanted to do was please Him. I wanted HIS purpose for my life to be fulfilled, and I rid myself of my own selfish ambitions and desires. I began to really meditate on Matthew 6:33 which says seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these THINGS shall be added unto you. That verse really began to come alive in my life. I sought the Giver of the things, not the things itself. Honestly I wasn’t serving God for a man or for anything else. I just genuinely wanted to get to know Him and in return, He lavished His love upon me like no other. His love fulfilled me like no relationship or things ever could. I never made marriage into an idol or constantly put it on a pedestal. Was it a desire of my heart? Sure it was, but I never let that desire overshadow my love for and relationship with God. So chase after Him with everything you’ve got and without any motives or agendas; chase after Him with an open mind and heart. Just to get to know Him and draw close to Him. He promises that as you draw close to Him, He will draw close to you (James 4:8). Now, you have to be honest with yourself too because it is not always easy to do this, especially if you’ve already been rocking with God for some time. The relationship can become a bit mundane if we are not being intentional about it. So get real with God and let Him know your struggles, but also let Him know your desire to have that type of relationship with Him again, and watch Him put a fire and hunger in your belly like never before. Those who hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled (Matthew 5:6).
2. Get planted and SERVE- This is often overlooked but it is so so so important. Being planted and serving at your local church puts you in POSITION to be found. Does this mean that your husband is someone in your church? I am not saying that. He may be but then again he may not be. What I am saying is that being planted in a church puts you in POSITION to be found as well as puts you in a position to carry out your God-given purpose. Whenever you are where God tells you to be, you are in the right place because He is orchestrating things all around you and they are aligning to bring forth His purpose. I know that the church is not a building and we are the church and our body is the temple and all of that other propaganda people like to spew out by pulling pieces of scripture from the Bible out of context in order to justify their actions. The Bible also says “do not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25). If God places and plants you somewhere that means He has something just for you right there at that place under those pastors and that leadership. Sometimes we’re asking God to speak to us and give us a word not understanding that something the pastor says during his message could be just the word you needed and God is speaking it through the message. It is also not enough to church hop and visit one church after the other . That is fine for a season if you are just looking or trying to figure out where God is placing you, but eventually you have to actually be planted somewhere. A flower cannot grow if it keeps being pulled from one soil bed to another. Its growth will continue to be stunted and eventually it may even die. Likewise, you must plant yourself somewhere spiritually in order to be able to fully grow and mature in the things of God and what He is calling you to. Over and over again in the Bible, the Word of God is likened to food. Jesus Himself is called The Bread of Life. Stop getting your spiritual nourishment from all these different places, otherwise you may end up getting spiritually sick. It’s ok to visit other places sometimes and even supplement from time to time but the majority of your spiritual diet should come from the local church where you feel God has planted you.
Furthermore, it is not enough to merely attend church. It is imperative that you seek God for where it is you should serve in that church. Sometimes, it may be obvious where you should serve: you’re good at singing so maybe you need to join the choir and that is what’s resonating with you. Other times not so much. You may be good at singing, but maybe God is calling you to usher because there are some thing He needs to develop and pull out of you. Your job is to seek God to find out where it is He wants to place you in order to be a blessing to that body of believers as well as develop your gifts. Serving has done so much for my spiritual and natural life. It has pulled many gifts and passions out of me that I never even knew were on the inside, but when you have a heart to serve that is what will begin to happen. You will begin to discover what your gifts are and begin to hone them in order for them to be used in the way God intended. Serving also puts you in a better position when your time does come for marriage by preparing you for what is to come. When you serve, that means you are submitted to your local church and leadership, and you are committed to helping that vision come to past. When you get married, you are submitted to the vision and mission of your husband and family, and if you have not learned submission to authority in your single life honey it will not come easy to you in married life. When you serve, you learn to humble yourself and to decrease in order to be apart of something bigger than yourself. You cannot afford not to serve. Don’t skip this step. Jesus HImself said that He came to serve and not to be served (Mark 10:45). Trust that if it is good enough for Jesus then it’s certainly good enough for you. Serving will develop your character, humility, gifts and talents while helping to reveal and rid you of some traits that may not be fit for your use in the kingdom.
3. Figure out your purpose and walk in it- One of the first things that God ignited in me when I got saved was purpose. He put such a strong desire in my heart for me to seek Him for my purpose, and I am still seeking and learning to humbly yet boldly and confidently walk in it. My desire to fulfill my purpose was even stronger than my desire to be found by a man at that time, which is another reason why I was not even concerned with dating for a season. When you find purpose, you find a greater reason for living and everyday becomes a new opportunity to carry it out. You realize that life is bigger than just you, and there is a beautiful almost unexplainable feeling that comes with walking and living it out. God Himself is so very purpose driven. He does not do anything “just because” including bringing individuals together for marriage. So while you may be thinking how much better life would be if you had a man to come home to at night, God is thinking on a whole other level. When He puts two people together in the precious covenant of marriage, He has a purpose for that union. Sure, the by-product of that is the happiness and romance of two people in love, but His plans and His purpose are so much greater. If you don’t even know your own purpose, how are you supposed to vet a man of God who approaches you? The fact that your relationship may look good on paper means absolutely nothing. You must also ask yourself if your purpose aligns with His. Now this doesn’t mean that if you feel you’re called to preach that he must also have a calling to preach. What it does mean, however is that your purposes must complement each other’s because a wife is called to be the helpmeet and aid in the vision of her husband. Ultimately, the way to truly know if your purposes align is to ask God. He knows the both of you and He knows what He has planned for your lives.
You also don’t want to wait around for a man before you begin walking in that purpose. God has so much work for you to do right where you are. In fact, it will only become more challenging to do certain things once you do become married. 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 says “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord-how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.” It is so important that you are doing what God has called you to do and that you are where He has placed you. Being in position is a huge part of partaking in everything God has for you, including and especially marriage.
4. Have fun! Travel, explore, learn a hobby- Life does not begin when you get married, you have so much life to live right now! It saddens me when I see women who just seem to be waiting around to be found by a guy. If you think that marriage is going to fulfill you, you are absolutely mistaken. In fact, it will only magnify the fact that you are not already fulfilled and content in Him. I do not regret any of the time spent in my single season; I had a blast! I traveled to so many places, served in so many areas, attended so many events, volunteered, tried some things, succeeded at some failed at others, I was just LIVING. Once you get married, reality sets in and you realize that it’s no longer just you. You are now one with another human being and you all must answer to each other. You now have added responsibilities as a wife and once children get involved that adds a whole other layer and dimension to the marriage. So don’t waste the time that you have right now, make the most of it and do all that your heart desires.
This list nor the other is all-inclusive. I’m sure there are other things to be added, but these were the main ones that God dealt with me concerning and caused me to have much success. I may add to this post at a later date, but in the meantime I hope this helps!
Still Hidden in Him,