1. Knows what she wants but is open to new possibilities- This is important because you don’t want to be out here standard-less, and you have to know what you want in order to recognize it when it’s presented to you; however, you also don’t want to be so closed minded that you shut out a man who could possibly be your husband. I knew my husband for 2 years as a friend before we started dating. I would not have even considered him as an option prior to that time for several reasons, but mostly because he was not my “type”. Had I not been open as well as sensitive to the leading of God, I would have missed the man that He had for me. Bottom line- have standards and of course your non-negotiables, but be open and leave room for God to move in your relationships.
2. Does not give husband privileges to boyfriends- this means washing his laundry, cooking ALL his meals (I personally do not see anything wrong with cooking for a man from time to time), fully intertwining your lives, taking care of his kids all the time (if he has them) and especially not living together and giving up the goods. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying before: Why would buy the whole cow if he’s already getting the milk for free? so I will spare you the lecture, but just keep in mind that you want someone to make a real commitment to you in front of God and other witnesses, before you do certain things with that man. It’s for your physical, emotional and spiritual protection, and God honors you and your marriage tremendously when it’s done the right way.
3. Does not let guys string her along- There seems to be a bit of an epidemic among dating millennials. Before men wouldn’t want to commit to marriage, nowadays they don’t even want to commit to a relationship, and it seems to happen far more often in Christian dating circles. Women all over are giving their precious time, (and in a lot of cases their feelings, emotions and even their body) to a man who has yet to even take them on a decent date. The men are failing to lead and commit to an exclusive relationship leaving women everywhere to bring up the dreaded “what are we” or “where are we going with this” conversation. Don’t be that woman. Keep your dignity and make sure his intentions are clear early on. Death to the “we’re just talking” or “we’re just friends” phase.
4. Tries not covet anyone else’s relationship- Just don’t do it. It is no way edifying. You don’t even know what that couple had to walk through privately or is currently walking through in order to get to that point in their relationship, and you don’t even know if it is all smoke and mirrors. Furthermore, God has such a beautiful story already written for your life, and it’s like a slap in the face to Him if you are coveting someone else’s. So cling to God instead, unfollow certain people on social media if you have to guard your heart, and wait patiently as you watch your relationship goals turn into your relationship reality.
5. Has REAL friends who are not afraid to snatch her up sometimes- Ok so the Christian term here would be accountability. You NEED accountability, not just so that you can have someone who checks on you and make sure you’re not doing something you’re not supposed to be doing or making sure you’re doing the things that you said you would do (that’s really important too) but also someone who is not going to be afraid to get you together if need be. This is the brutally honest, blunt friend that will tell you “Now (insert your name here) you know that man is being inconsistent with you. You need to call him out or leave him be.” We all need someone to get us back on track sometimes because let’s be honest, it’s easy to fall into various traps. We also need friends who are walking this walk with us or friends/mentors who have been in our shoes and understand our plight. Either way, get you some...you will be happy you did even if it comes with a little eye rolling sometimes. Besides, we all need our edges snatched from time to time.
6. Looks fly at all times- It’s no secret that men are visual, but I think that some Christians get so deep that they forget this fact. Of course, you want to have way more than a physical appearance to offer a man, but you also must have the right bait to catch the right fish, right? So make sure you keep your hair done, a good mani/pedi, and a banging outfit. Make sure you’re doing what it takes to remain healthy and physically fit (whatever that means to you). Take the time to learn new make-up technques if that’s your thing. Whatever it takes for you to feel beautiful, do it because most of the time a man will notice your confidence before he notices anything else. Men can sense insecurity and low self-esteem from a mile away, and it is an instant turn off. This doesn’t mean you have to go out and spend all your money on superficial things either. Learn to do your own nails and hair. Learn how to thrift and do diy projects. You can be fly and smart about it at the same time, there are tons of resources out there nowadays.
7. Does not approach a man first or pursue a man ever - I have listened in on various conversations between males (married and single) speaking on relationships and every so often they will let one of their guy code secrets slip (you get privy to these thing once you get married lol). While, I won’t give away all of the secret sauce (mainly because I will never hear the end of it from my husband if I do lol) I will mention a recurring turn off that I hear uttered quite often. Now this may not be news to you, for some it may just be confirmation but (most) men do not like to be approached by a woman. It’s something about the chase for a guy, and if a woman right out of the gate decides that she is going to be the one to ask for his phone number or pursue him, that is an automatic turn off and the thrill is automatically gone. Now, he may still entertain you, and even use you for other things if you allow it, but for him to take you seriously is unlikely, no matter how good of a catch you are. I say this a lot but it bears repeating: ladies, the man God has for you will pursue you with purpose and passion, and you will never have to wonder whether or not he’s into you. Men are hunters; let them do the hunting.
8. Does not give him play just because he gave her play- For some of you it’s been a long time since a guy has even asked for your phone number, let alone asked you out. I know, I know, I’ve been there. It’s a boring, lonely place that will leave you feeling insecure if you let it. I even started to question my looks at one point like dang am I even pretty? lol. I know it can be tempting to entertain the first guy who seems to even remotely be husband potential, but remember to check him against your standard, be watchful for the kind of fruit he is producing, and please please please don’t be out here evangelize dating (dating someone who isn’t equally yoked hoping you can get him saved in the process of dating him).
9. Works on becoming the best possible version of herself - Figure out who you are and what you want out of life, get rid of old baggage, work on your credit, advance in your career, travel the world, develop a healthy lifestyle, cultivate healthy friendships and live the abundant life RIGHT NOW.
10. Knows that she is one amazing, worthy, priceless, one of a kind jewel that some guy out there is fervently praying for. You will add so much value to his life, and he will bring so much joy to yours if you are willing to do it the right way.
What else would you add to this list?