I may be married now, but I remember all too well the fears I experienced as a single woman whose heart’s desire was to ultimately get married and have a family. That is part of the reason why I seek to encourage you and speak into your life week after week because even though I am walking into the fulfillment of the promise, I am not too far removed from the process.
The Word holds so much power and has the ability to bring so much peace and comfort to your situation. Sometimes all we have to do is get heaven’s perspective on things and it causes us to see ourselves and our circumstance a little differently. If you see glimpses of yourself in any of the fears listed, I want you to align yourself with what God has already said about you: that you are capable, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved and you are ENOUGH. Meditate on these passages of scripture and let them become so real to you, that no one can tell you anything different. They are true, and they are what God has said about your situation despite what it looks like.
1. All of my friends are married or in a relationship and I'm afraid I'll end up all alone
[S]he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf shall not wither and whatever [s]he does shall prosper -Psalm 1:3
I was meditating on this Psalm the other day during my quiet time with God. It’s one of my favorite psalms and it’s filled with such beautiful promises so I have read it several times in the past. This particular morning however, I found comfort in a tiny part of the verse that I may have overlooked before. The part that really stuck out to me is the part that says brings forth ITS fruit in ITS season. Do you know what that means? All of us have an “its” season with our name on it. God is so good and so gracious that He does not want us to bear fruit out of season. Instead, He brings us our harvest at just the perfect time when He knows we are ready and can truly handle it. What if that tree began producing fruit out of season? It wouldn’t be ripe and it wouldn’t be able to survive in the weather conditions because they are not conducive to that tree thriving. Our God is so good and He knows us better than we even know ourselves. The best things take time, trust me. There was a time when everyone around me seemed to be getting into relationships or getting married and it was frustrating and a very lonely season, but I took comfort in knowing that God had not forgotten about me and you should too. Now, years later, sadly half of those relationships have not withstood the test of time because some of them were out of season or with the wrong person altogether. So, stick with God; He has your entire life, including your love life in the palm of His hand. Other verses that are good to meditate on for this include:
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. - Galatians 6:9
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven -Ecclesiastes 3:1
2. I will never find anyone who will measure up to my standards
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, -Ephesians 3:20
Many times, the people closest to us can make us feel as though we are asking for too much in a mate, and that we are crazy for actually having standards. Don’t let anyone force their own insecurities and unbelief onto you. People will talk you out of your blessing in a heartbeat just because they don’t have the patience themselves to wait for God’s best. God is able to grant you with even more than you’re able to articulate to Him. I’m still unwrapping little surprises in my husband that I never knew I needed or that I secretly desired but just didn’t know how to articulate.
3. I’m not sure if I’m even ready to be a wife
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” - Ephesians 2:10
Some women are intimidated by the title of wife and all that comes along with the role. It is indeed a weighty responsibility, but it is one that I believe a person is never fully “ready” to walk into. There are some things you are going to have to learn and walk out on the other side of those vows. Things that I wouldn’t be able to articulate to you even if I tried my hardest. Often times women will ask me, “what should I be doing to prepare while I am single, and my answer is most often 1. Learn how to pray and 2. Do whatever it is that God is telling you to do.” See, I would never tell a woman that in order to prepare yourself to be a wife you must learn how to cook, learn how to keep a house, learn how to respect a man or anything of those other things you may learn in a Proverbs 31 class. Sure, those are good things to know, but God knows exactly who you are going to marry and what ya’ll are going to walk through so He knows how to teach you to be a wife to [insert your future husband’s name here]. I strongly believe that every season prepares us for the next, but many times we are missing the lessons because we refuse to do the last thing that God told us to do. When you feel God tugging at your heart to forgive that person who wronged you, that is preparing you to be a wife. When you decide to work through an argument with a friend instead of throwing away the friendship, that is preparing you to be a wife. When you decide to serve in your church without any recognition, that is preparing you to be a wife. When you decide to sacrifice your desires in order to give to or serve someone else, that is preparing you to be a wife. When you decide to stay in on a Friday night instead of going out to that lounge or event you were invited to because you know it won’t be edifying, that is preparing you to be a wife. The issue is that when we hear His voice or feel Him tugging at our heart to do these things we don’t act in obedience because we don’t see it as significant when the reality is God is trying to develop your character, mature you, and prepare you for your next season. It is often the consistent small acts of obedience that add up to the big promotion.
Ephesians 2:10 says this: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” Do you know what that means? God has already equipped you with every single thing that you need in order to walk into every single thing He is calling you to, including wife.
4. I'm not pretty enough or good enough for anyone to ever want me
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You,When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.And in Your book they all were written,The days fashioned for me,When as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! (Psalm 139:13-17)
If you are struggling in this area, I want you to meditate on the scripture above. Don’t just read it this one time and be done. I want you to really meditate on it, read it out loud, look in the mirror and confess it over yourself, even memorize it if you have to. Whatever it takes to really get that Word rooted in your heart. The same God who said “It is not good for man to be alone,” also said this. The same God who said “ My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory” also said this. You cannot pick and choose the parts of His Word that you are going to believe. God calls you BEAUTIFUL and every single thing that He makes is good. We have to stop comparing ourselves to what we we see on social media and other forms of media because most of it is just an illusion anyway. Someone out there in this big world is looking, praying and hoping for YOU, just the way you are. They will appreciate every single thing about you including your face and your body. Don’t let the lies you tell yourself about the way you look or the way that you are rob you from the complete and total happiness God wants to supply you with.
5. I'll be too old to have kids if and when I finally get married
And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. -Romans 4:19-21
I know that once women pass a certain age, the chances of conceiving and carrying a child full term with no complications get slimmer and slimmer according to science. Some of you are worrying about your proverbial biological clock ticking with not even a piece of man in sight. I get it, I do, but my question to you is who made your body? I don’t need to remind you how God gave Sarah a child when she was waaay past child bearing age- it had been decades since she had gone through menopause. God is a good God, and He knows exactly what He is doing. He knows your desire to have children of your own just like he knows your desire to be married. Would a good God allow you to realize one part of the promise and not fully walk into all of your true heart’s desire?
Bonus * If I wait and keep myself for marriage, the sex might end up being bad
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! - Matthew 7:11
Listen sis, if you don’t understand anything else that I write to you in this article hear this: God is GOOD. Why would a good God give a bad gift to His children? As a matter of fact, the verse above says that He gives GOOD gifts to His children. Why would God make you wait all of that time to abstain from sex only to let it not be pleasing to you? I don’t know about you, but that is just not the kind of God that I serve. God honors us when we honor Him. You have to have faith and trust that God always has your best interest in mind and cares about every single detail of your life and your marriage, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Trust me, you have not known real intimacy until you have had it in the confines of marriage-that's a promise!
Life and death are in the power of your tongue so, stop rehearsing these fears, and saying them out of your mouth even if it’s just in jest because by doing so you are giving life to them. I want you to start saying only what you want to see, and watch those things begin to manifest in your life. (Proverbs 18:21)
What are some fears that you may have experienced as a single woman?
Still Hidden in Him,