I am often asked, “How will I know if he’s the one?” Well, I hate to use the old cliche’ but you will just know when it’s right. Some of you will know right away and for others it may take some time, but believe me, you will know. If you have to question it, then that probably isn’t it. There are different factors to consider for every person, so I didn’t want to tell you how you would know when you’ve found the one. Instead, I decided to let you know how I knew I had found the one in the hopes that you are able to glean from some of the overarching themes. So,how did I know John was my husband? Well besides the fact that God had told me before he even approached me? Here goes….
1. He pursued me- This was important because it seems like in this day and age there aren't many men who are actively pursuing women. Men, by nature are hunters, but only when they find something or in this case, someone they want. There is not much that can get in the way of a man who has found someone who he believes he could spend the rest of his life with. Many times guys will try to make excuses for not being able to fully commit such as finances, career, debt, busy life, and other things. And while those may be valid factors, believe me for the right person, all of those issues will become non-factors. We make time for what and who we want, and we make room for them in our life no matter what may be going on.Right girl, wrong timing..ever heard that one? Well, let me paint a picture for you. You ever had someone ask you to give them a ride somewhere and you didn't REALLY feel like doing them the favor, but you agree to do it anyway? So, when it's time to take them it starts raining outside a little, then you can't find your keys right away but you eventually find them. Then you get in the car and realize your radio isn't working. So you're just about ready to call your friend and let them know that you're unable to take them. Sure, the circumstances surrounding the favor are not the best, but you're still able to give your friend the ride if you really wanted to. Now let's say the destination was a little different and you were supposed to be going to your favorite artist's concert instead. A little bit of rain doesn't seem that bad anymore does it? Sure you misplaced your keys for a bit but at least you found them right? No music? who cares? You're on your way to all the music your heart desires. Sure, these are agitations, but your are going somewhere that you really desire to go so those things now seem small to you, and you will not let it hinder you from getting what you really want. You get my drift? There were situations in both of our lives at the time that would make any one want to cower back, but John pursued me relentlessly. From day one, he made clear his intentions for me and our relationship and his actions backed it up. I’m not saying that the two of you have to be talking about getting married during week 1, but I am saying that you should not have to question whether or not someone is really into you and where the two of you are going.
2. I had an abundance of peace- One of the most common ways that God leads us is by His peace (or the lack of His peace). When I’m in a situation and I need to hear from God, but I don’t necessarily “hear” Him saying anything I get still for a moment and wait to see if my peace is disturbed. I’m sure you’ve experienced this before, but you probably were not even aware that you were being led by God. For example, you have plans to go somewhere but “some thing” is telling you not to go because you just don’t “feel” right about it even though everything on the outside seems normal. Well that is not “some thing”, that is the Holy Spirit leading you and guiding you by disturbing the peace of God that is already in you if you are born again. You can feel it in your gut. The opposite can be true as well. For example, you can be in a position where your circumstance on the outside seems totally crazy, but on the inside you have such an incredible peace- that is because you are right where you are supposed to be, and the peace of God is with you. See, the Spirit knows all things and if you are born again, then that same Spirit lives on the inside of you (1 Corinthians 3:16) which means that you know all things (1 John 2:20). It’s just that most times we don’t take the time to get before God to seek out those truths.
So when John and I got together, it’s not that the circumstances surrounding our relationship were perfect. In fact, we had several outside circumstances that would have killed other relationships, but the peace of God was so incredibly strong that I knew He was with us and that we were right where we were supposed to be. This was completely different from all of the other relationships and situationships I found myself apart of in the past. Even if the person seemed like a good fit for me, I never had any peace about any of them; it’s just that I would always override it and continue talking to the person anyway only to be heartbroken when it was all said and done. This is why I always say that you must allow the Holy Spirit to lead you and guide you in relationships because some situations can be deceiving. If you rely on circumstances or your own wisdom to guide you to “the one”, you will be highly disappointed.
3. God would speak to me about him- It’s not that I would even ask God anything, but certain situations would come up, and I would just begin to sense God speaking to me and giving me directions. For example, when John and I got into our first disagreement when we were dating, God gave me instructions on what to do in order to resolve the issue. He would tell me things like I need to give him grace or to be more patient or to just pray for him. This was so different for me because in all of my other situationships God was completely silent unless He was telling me not to move forward with the person. You know, it’s like when your mother asks you to do something, but you don’t do it so she’s not going to tell you anything else until you do what she has already asked you to do? Like she’s giving you the cold shoulder? lol. I like to think that’s how God is sometimes. You may have prayed about a particular person or situation, and He may not have spoken yet. Well that silence may be His disapproval. Don’t act on it just because He has not said anything. Instead, don’t do anything until He says something unless you feel that peace to do so like I discussed earlier. So because God was speaking to me about John, I took that as His approval because why would He be giving me instructions about someone He didn’t want to see me with in the first place. Makes sense?
4. Everything came together easily- There were many external issues occurring in my life at the time John and I began dating, so I was not exactly sure that it was even time for me to be considering marriage. For example, I wanted to be in a certain position financially before getting married, and I was not quite there yet, so that bothered me. There was basically a list of things that I had written on a sheet of paper that I needed God to do in my personal life in order for me to walk into a marriage with peace of mind. Well, before John and I said “I do” every single thing was taken care of. One by one, I was able to scratch everything off of that list, and I just stood in amazement at how God had taken care of every single thing. John and I even had the wedding of our dreams and had it paid for months in advance without having to put anything on credit. When God is in the midst of a situation, He will make sure that everything works out for your good and that it happens effortlessly because His hand is on it.
What advice do you have if anyone is wondering if they’ve found the one?
Still Hidden in Him,